Weight wait weight wait weight

As I have mentioned, I met Pete in 2005. I was something around 140 pounds, average weight, and thought I was overweight (that girl annoys me). For a lot of reasons over the years I have slowly gained weight,  a significant amount that I refuse to post on the Internet because I'm vain.  I fell in love, got comfortable, started a job that required me to sit for six to eight consecutive hours a day that also provides a great deal of stress at times. I will be the first person to tell you, I'm an emotional eater. My family are emotional eaters. We love food, our times together almost always involve food. Delicious, fatty, terrible for you food. That being said since starting this adoption process I've gained as much weight as I had the near three years following our wedding. Uh oh. This realization was being pushed to the back of my mind as it was happening because I had stuff to do. I am trying to get our baby home, I don't have time to worry about dinner and if it's healthy or not! Oh yeah, I also quit smoking. A month ago. Weight. 

So here I am. Fully aware of the situation, recognizing what got me here, knowing those reasons aren't going anywhere anytime soon, and trying to figure out just how I'm going to undo this weight from the past seven years while I wait. 

My relationship with food is much like my relationship with cigarettes, an abusive one that I'm so infatuated with I'm scared to leave. Non-smokers will  never understand this. Most smokers I know probably won't either. I LOVE to smoke.  I started when I was 14 and hid it from nearly everyone until well into college. It was my secret, and it comforted me when little else could. A bitter sweet breakup, but it would have killed me.

So here I am, the damage of my love affair with terrible food and unhealthy living more visibly evident to those around me than the cigarettes, but just as emotional a relationship. I want to change it. I want to take care of myself. I want to be prepared to teach our children by example what a gift we have in our health and physical ability. To be honest I'm not sure where I'm going to begin because I've said this before and it hasn't worked, this time it feels different because this time I really want to. So while Pete and I wait for our children I'm going to work on my weight. As we enjoy this time as a married couple without children I'm going to teach myself a little more discipline.

Peace comes with the mourning

"The lord has turned our sunsets into sunrise". St. Clement of Alexandria