Mother's Day
I've been planning starting this blog for quite some time, and Mother's day feels like the perfect time to do this. I woke up this morning not expecting to feel such a rush of emotions, but it happened, despite my efforts to avoid it. Ever since I was a little girl I longed to be a Mother. My mom kept these little books about us growing up, and each year there was a place to write what we wanted to be when we grew up, every year it would change, a nurse, an artist, a teacher but one thing remained consistent, I wanted to be a mommy. I figured I would get married and start having kids right away, I never anticipated the struggles my husband and I would face with this. That happens to other people, not to me. Let me state from the very beginning, we still can have biological children, at least that's what we are told, its just not happened that way. My husband and I planned from the moment we started talking about marriage to adopt, at some point, down the road, but it turns out God has a different plan and adoption has become plan A. We are in the very early stages of adopting from Ethiopia! Getting to this point has been a struggle in many ways, and I'm sure I'll talk about that more down the road, but for today, I want to talk about being a mom.
It's quite possible our child or children are alive and waiting for us. This is exhilarating! I want to meet them, I want to hold them, I want to know their names, but this is a ways off for us. Today I'm thinking about their bio mom's and the tough choices they had or still have to make. I'm praying for them. I feel sadness for them. I'm inspired by their strength, though i have never met them and I likely never will. I hope they feel my prayers and know that i will be forever grateful for the gift of life they are giving my husband and I.
I read a blog today that questioned when a woman becomes a Mother, at conception, at birth, when you see your child, when you know they exist? And the girl said something that I will carry with me as we start on this long journey, "you become a mother the moment you decide to become a Mother." So I'm celebrating today, at least in my head, knowing I'm going to be a Mom, one way or another and that's all I've ever really wanted.
I am blessed to have had an amazing Mother, which is probably why this desire for Motherhood was planted at such an early age. My mom and dad sacrificed a lot, so that my mom could stay home with us. My earliest memories are of her and I playing with my kitchen, and she would patiently wait as I cleaned and re-cleaned my kitchen and prepared delicious plastic meals for her to enthusiastically enjoy. This takes so much patience! She was constantly supportive, always loving, and patiently allowed me to figure things out for myself, always encouraging me to be who I was created to be, gently guiding me to make good choices. And when I didn't make such good choices, she and my dad would talk me through it, never scolding me, but always helping me figure out where exactly I got off track. I really am blessed.
So today, I'm thinking about the Mom's, the mom's to be, those patiently or impatiently waiting to adopt, the bio moms, the mom's that try every day to make sure their children are safe and happy. I'm excited for our future and I'm embracing our journey! I can't wait to hold my children in my arms and tell them how loved they are and how much I have longed for them.
